And It Begins
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Because you have no friends besides the ones you went to high school with, and you (and them) still live in the town you went to school in – and you’re all 30+
Because I asked if sex once a week was OK and she said once a month is good enough. Is that even reasonable? She said dont push me or it will be less.
Because you sold my very first bass guitar I bought when I was 14, (that was signed by Les Claypool and Steve Harris) for $117 on Ebay to buy a new pair of jeans while I was out of town.
Because after numerous requests, you never shaved your pubes.
You’re a squirter. Every time you have an oragasm it means fresh sheets and a shower. Gets old fast!
You’re a virgin. Yikes!
You were born in the US in 1986 and had no idea who Kurt Cobain was.
You didn’t eat bacon!
Because you just ran a marathon or whatevs it’s called and you were so sweaty! Eww I know it’s a marathon but please you gotta control that. Go to a doctor and don’t talk to me.
You knew I was high maintenance when we met. I like nice things and work hard on being hot for you. You needed to make LOTS more money to take care of me. Sorry if I’m a bitch, but I’m honest.
TWIDY: Because I’m not a porn star – so don’t expect me to do everything they do in porn.
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