And It Begins
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Your inability to invite your sister for three-way disappointed me.
Because you got fat and whined too much. Oh, and your sister gives better oral.
Because you think having foreskin is sexy.
You’re not on facebook. How the f**k can I trust you if you’re not on facebook?
Because your Dad is in prison and your Mom has a drug problem. Nothing personal…you’re a great guy, but those people are not going to be my future kids’ grandparents, so why waste anymore time?
Because sex is a normal part of dating for someone in their late 20’s. 7 dates in two months and still you’re “wanting to wait.” I’m too old to be getting blue balls.
Because I just can’t kiss a guy with facial hair. If you liked me enough you’d shave it.
You had major cottage cheese and bathing suit season was coming up. I couldn’t have my friends seeing how fat my girlfriend was. But you were a super model from the waist up.
Because as pretty as you were, your sister was ugly to the point that I couldn’t hang out with you anymore.
Because you let me finger you in a booth at a restaurant. How can you expect me to respect you after that?
TWIDY: Because I’m not a porn star – so don’t expect me to do everything they do in porn.
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