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Because you think having foreskin is sexy.

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You demanded that I had to slap you HARD, pull your hair, call you horrid names, and choke you just so you could get off. It seriously creeped me out and caused me to lose wood super fast. Get HELP!

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Because when I asked what your weapon of choice would be if zombies attacked you said you hadn’t thought about it. Then you picked a corded drill. Wrong answer! How can you not have a zombie plan?

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Because you said being in a relationship without sex is just like being best friends.

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Because you told me you wanted to make me squirt. Real romantic.

  • Love It(103)
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Because you built a tree house at the age of 30. Then I had to hear how excited you were to sleep in it.

  • Love It(53)
  • Hate It(399)

You got upset when I spent 8 hours a day playing World of Warcraft. I get that it’s a game, but it gave me more pleasure than you ever could. For the Horde bitch!

  • Love It(170)
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The first time you spent the night I heard you shamelessly, farting away on the toilet!

  • Love It(1436)
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You’re a nice guy, but girls don’t f**k nice guys. We complain to them about sh**ty guys because we enjoy torturing you.

  • Love It(23)
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After 20 minutes, I saw you emerge from a Porto Potty (for a construction crew) across from my house. Your lack of couth turned our first date into our last date. Take care of that “business” at home.

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